August 21, 2017 A Total Solar Eclipse & My Birthday

On Monday, August 21, 2017, a total solar eclipse will be visible.  A total solar eclipse occurs when the Moon passes between the Earth and Sun and the Moon is larger in diameter than the Sun's.  Which blocks all direct sunlight, leaving darkness.  The last total eclipse was June 8 1918.

I have been obsessed with the Sun and Moon for the last year.  Coming to realize they stand for Mother and Father, Feminine and Masculine.  I have been trying to implement my male and female side of me.  Trying to embrace, love all the aspects of me including the trauma.  So, is it convenient my birthday falls on the total solar eclipse?

Will this total solar eclipse help us realize and embrace we are both female and male?  We are one?  You can not hate or fear the other sex for we are all one.    To do that is to push yourself away causing more separateness and pain.

Is Labor Painful?

We were always taught that labor was painful, fearful, powerless experience but what if I told you its one of the most pleasurable, enjoyable, empowerment moments you will ever have?

Is it just painful if we resist?
Is it just painful because we expect it to be?
Does Mother Earth resist when a bud decides to burst thru it into life?

I embrace the empowerment of bringing this beautiful creation into existent

Boundaries

Learning my boundaries and trying to love myself in every moment.  Love is universal, unconditional, freely given not a weapon or conditional.  If my boundaries offend you, I love you but that is what they are.  For me to change myself for you to love me is not LOVE, it is control.

My Little Star

I can’t believe that it is almost time for you to be here my little star, my precious little girl, yikes and yippee!  I can’t wait for you to be here in the physical world although I can already feel you and your energy.  To think that talking to that butterfly, that angel, that higher self, has change my life in so many ways including listening to my intuition which time after time has proven quite reliable. 

I love you and can't wait to hold you, my star, my light, my love.

Rebirth

I am done with the old.  Done with the emotional, physical, sexual abuse I have suffered and endured from you..."my family".  I have been great and growing since last speaking with you, when I realized that I had suppressed my childhood trauma.  Which I doubt you would be open to discussing further although it may help you deal with your childhood demons as well...All of you.

Even this frequent urge to have to force yourselves upon me and my life is abusive.  I am 35 years old, you can no longer force your supposed "love" upon me.  I no longer wish for that kind of "love" anymore.  Love is not controlling, forced upon, given with conditions, guilt, selfishness nor sexual.  I can not give you the love you need.  Look inside yourselves and give your inner child the love you never had or gave. 

All the miscarriages I have suffered, the child I have lost, Otto was due to the unresolved trauma of being sexual abused.  But I am no longer blinded by that veil.

There was so many things and signs...

Alle biting at your hands the last time you were  here should have opened your eyes like it did mine.  Alle was picking up my remembering things "my father" made me do.

Remember "mom" when I showed you my underwear that had discharge/UTI when I was ten?  Well UTI is a sign of sexual abuse.

Remember when I had discharge coming from my vagina and I would put my fingers down there and you guys would laugh it of and made me feel weird?

Remember how you use to find me channeling "sleeping in weird positions"?

Remember when I made that audio moaning tape with my friend "Amy" and her mom came and was flipping out?  Sign of sexual abuse.

Remember how you told us not to share our emotions and feeling unless they were good ones. 

Remember how you stole from me.

Remember how you use to hit us and chase us with belt, leaving hand marks and welts from the belt.

Remember how you use to hang our underwear up outside because we left it on the floor?  So everyone could see?

Remember how I use to make my dolls and toys have sex when I was young?

Remember giving us gifts because we were in pain so it would make us feel better or loved?

Remember how "dad" always did our laundry?  Was it to clean up the evidence & dirtiness?

My over sex drive

Remember how you weren't there for me during Otto's life and death?  And you wanted me to discard my feelings once more, simply to get over it, also not letting other family members to know.

Weird how I would pose for the camera from such a young age...major flag that I was forced to "perform" in other ways.

Remember I use to see angels and fairies but you made me believe I didn't.

Remember when I made you feel powerless because of my power?  We can all be powerful.  Come into your own power.  This is me walking and standing strong in my power.

I know I picked you as "my family" and this life path so I could learn what I don't want and what I do want.  For that I thank you but I no longer want or wish anything from you but peace.  Peace from your darkness, peace from your control, peace from your manipulation, peace from YOU!  I forgive you all and myself because we are all the same person, our soul is one, in this game called "life" but dealing with you brings me no joy.  And joy is the purpose for this experience.  So, I am saying goodbye and hello to JOY!

Symbols

Symbols are very important for visualization, they take the form of words, sounds, gestures, ideas or visual images and are used to convey other ideas and beliefs.   Symbols are all amongst us and have been used for many, many centuries.

Did you know that the circle symbol is water, which also symbolizes emotion.  The triangle symbol is fire, which also symbolizes intellect.  Both are needed for balance.  If you put them together they can form a heart or a star, which is a very powerful healing symbol in itself.

Did you ever think about how earth is covered in 70% water?  Or how we ourselves are 70% water?  Or why is it we wash ourselves, clothes, dishes in water?  Because this earth is a conductor of emotion.  Which is this planets ultimate test.  To not fear emotion, it is part of us, and to embrace this test we agreed upon.  So, if we send out positivity hopefully it will magnify.

PI is used to measure a circle (which is emotion), it cannot be expressed as a fraction and its decimal representation never ends and settles into a repeating pattern.  This is because you can not measure emotion it is always changing. 

Earth's symbol is a square.  If you "think outside the box"...
Father God is intellect, fire, triangles.  Mother God is emotion, water, circles.  We need both for balance, without one the other can not be.
Father God & Mother God's universal love for us is the center circle.  The inner circles are Mother God's chakras, which is why she can create miracles, she is mother earth.  While Father God's chakra circles are holding earth in place for these lessons we agreed upon to be learned.

Love and positivity is the most important thing, darkness and negativity cant survive were there is light.

9/30/2014

2 years ago, I was 17 1/2 weeks pregnant with my son Otto, first visit to the hospital because I was bleeding.  With all my pregnancies I had never made it this far.

This was our first glimpse of you, after hearing your glorious heartbeat for the first time.

We are so happy to have had you here for a short time, our son, our precious spiritual gift, Otto Guckes.

Soul Number 6

Since I was three or four I always knew I was meant to have kids, ached to have kids, loved being around kids but I also knew somehow that was also my challenge.

This soul number in numerology is fulfilled when they have children.  Own their own company with lots of responsibility.  Receiving acknowledgement for all of their hard work with people looking up to them.  When they are appreciated and needed by the people they love in their life.



Love you Mother God, Father God, Holy Spirit

Negative But Im Positve

How does one know ones body so well that you know their is a growing soul inside of you before the pregnancy test reads positive?

Negative 9/11/2016

All one has to do is be still to hear the rippling waves of knowledge and be open to it.

I love you Mother God, Father God, Holy Spirit

Butterfly Effect

An angel appeared to me, through a beautiful butterfly.  It landed on me twice, then to the plants before me.  Staring at me, willing me to hear its message.

"I'm pregnant, aren't I?"  I questioned.  Already knowing the answer, even though I would only be a couple days along, I knew. 

It stayed for awhile, although it seemed like time stood still, graciously allowing me in its presence.

Receiving this message helped me start to accept my path, accept my grief of having multiple miscarriages and my son's Otto's passing.  It was a warning for me to heal physically and mentally to make room for the new baby growing inside of me. 

Protect me my angels, spirit guides, and surround me with your love.

Mother God Azna I hand this to you.

Love you Mother God, Father God, Holy Spirit